If you were to ask me the most important aspect of my life – what means so much to me at this time – it would be FREEDOM.
Although I've known intuitively that personal freedom has always been important to me, I didn't realize that this aspect of my personality was 'not negotiable'. In fact, a lack of freedom is definitely my Kryptonite.
In my life, as I came to a realization that I wasn't happy – happy in a job, a relationship, a situation – whatever it was - I would initiate behaviours and patterns to get out and get away from that circumstance. This was not at a conscious level for most of my life. I also could not name why I was unhappy or unfulfilled in those circumstances. I just knew I felt contained or smothered and it wasn't right for me anymore. I needed out.
I remember having a boyfriend/partner who was incredibly amazing and we had a wonderful relationship. After several years together, he started to talk about marriage and children. It scared me and all I could feel was to flee. I had a sense of loosing my freedom and being locked into something that I didn't want at that time. So, I created dissonance in that relationship to justify leaving it. It didn't make sense to me except to know that I needed out.
In the last few years, as I grow, heal and know myself better, I am understanding a lot more about why I did what I did and having more compassion for myself about how I did what I did. I now recognize the paramount importance of personal freedom to me. So much of my life makes more sense to me now. I have greater awareness around my patterns and a loving understanding of how to address this primal need with my lifestyle and my life.
Freedom is my 'soul food'. It means the ability to do what I want to do when I want to do it (or at least be able to plan for it); to not feel tethered and held back by the density of fear and limiting circumstances.
I need Freedom to: Travel; Teach; Learn; Question; Grow; Create; Believe; Love; See; Change; Speak Up; Stand Up; Agree or Disagree; Be Still; Be Silent; Move; Plan; Choose; Come and Go; To Be Me; To say 'yes' and 'no'. Freedom to be human and make mistakes.
What matters most to you? I'd love to hear what your Krytonite is?